Got Yogurt?

Yesterday I was returning from a short run and as I approached my car I was taken aback. Apparently a large bird had exploded while flying over. But as I got closer, I realized that this was not the case. My car had been yogurted. In other words, someone had thrown three Yoplait Light yogurt containers at my car (vanilla on the side windows, raspberry on the back window). I was shocked. The drive to the car wash was like a walk of shame. I could feel people staring at my yogurt-dipped car, and I couldn't help but put thoughts into their heads. Surely, I must be a bitch to deserve such a dairy disaster.

My husband, R, immediately chalked the yogurt up to a random act of vandalism by some bored teenagers, but to me this still doesn't make sense. For one, yogurt is expensive...at least a lot more expensive (and less harmful) than eggs. Second, no other cars on our street had been hit. Wouldn't teenagers try to hit two or three cars?

I started to search for clues. Right now, the only coincidence that I can go on is the fact that the night before the yogurt incident we allowed a local Democrat to post one of his signs in our yard. Other neighbors have the same sign, but they don't park in front of their house. I pondered this a lot as I was falling asleep last night. Would I fall victim again? And if so, what would they use next, eclairs? My mind began to race and next thing I knew I was envisioning effigies in the front yard and fire bombs coming through the window.

In an effort to calm me, R kept recounting the many acts of random vandalism he committed as a teenager. This did not calm me, but at least I now know I have my own "Director of Countervandalism" if the need ever arises.